“I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” *

*The top regret of dying people according to a palliative care nurse who spent a decade looking after the dying.

In November 1991 at the age of 23, I promised my then husband Bob (I got married young - 19🤭), that I would do just one more trip away, this time to South America. After 6 months travelling (he was going to join me for a couple of months of travelling together) I would come back to Sydney to settle down to start a family. 

I had already gone off on a couple of shorter adventures since we had got married, and he was ready to have me home for good. 

After just over a month or so of travelling from LA all the way down to  the spectacular west coast of Mexico then across the country to the east, I arrived at a place called Playa del Carmen in the Yucatan Peninsula.

I've heard that it has become a very upmarket and trendy tourist destination.
At the time though, it was an idyllic, small, sleepy, coastal town with endless beaches, cheap food, hammocks to sleep in, surrounded by Mayan ruins and full of backpackers and travellers from all over the world.

I was in heaven.

I felt independent, capable, strong, so adventurous and free. I could go anywhere I wanted, do what I wanted and hang out with whoever I wanted.
My mind was lit with ideas and possibilities - more adventures, studies, more exploring of the world and getting to know myself.

One day I was lying in a hammock, writing, reflecting, imagining life in Sydney with Bob, in our little flat in Bronte, having babies, and it suddenly just hit me.
A flood of tears poured down my face as I wrote in my journal:

'I don't want to go back!'
'There's NO WAY I’m going back'

I wanted deep in my soul to keep doing this.
That was just so clear to me.

I wrote Bob a letter. 
It was difficult and I cried and cried, poured my heart into that letter, and sent it. 
It was months before we spoke. He was hurt and angry with me, so so disappointed.  

But he got over it. 

30 odd years later, and I know if I had returned to Sydney to do what was expected of me, followed the path I thought I was supposed to be on, I would not have gotten over it!

I would have been one of those people, in my dying hours telling the palliative care nurse that I wished I'd had the courage to be true to myself.  

Making the decision to not go back to a life that I no longer felt was my truth, was one of the most important decisions I have ever made in my life.

During the following 10 months of travelling in South America I discovered a lot about myself, mainly:

- My strongest values are freedom, creativity & self-expression.
- I am deeply and powerfully connected to nature
- Adventure is for life

Since then, maybe you disagree, I have discovered that finding, making and/or staying on our path can often be our biggest challenge.

What do you think?

I would LOVE to hear from you - really, truly, please let me know if you have ever had a moment where a decision you made completely changed your life and sent you on a course to your truth.